BroketheCycle has done just that! What an inspiration she is!! To stand up for yourself under
circumstances like that takes more courage that it does to climb the highest mountain.. . .and she d i d it!! Her story is just the kind that family members who are being mistreated by "loved ones" need to hear. It was great of her to tell the story via the Angels That Care forum. The more people that read it the better!!
As for advice, BroketheCycle appears to know that concentrating on the future, rather than the past, is the healthiest way to go for everyone concerned. Those of us who grew up hearing our parents say terrible things about each other over and over know it leads to low self-esteem and other problems. Doubt fills the child, who can't help wonder if he or she inherited terrible traits. "Will I be just like my father?" the child wonders. . .and wonders. . .and wonders. {Or mother, as the case might be } "Why didn't he love me?" turns into "What is wrong with me?" and "Did he do those bad things because I am bad?" Doesn't matter that the child's questions are irrational. Children are self-centered -- have to be to survive. They are not little adults, and they don't think or feel like adults. Even abused spouses feel guilt at times. Children do not have the defenses they do.
Abusive spouses and parents act like scum, no denying that. But it is important to avoid repeated name-calling. It encourages holding onto rage, and benefits no one. Going back over what happened is necessary to healing. Going over what happened again and again re-opens wounds, or even causes new ones. Can cause festering emotional sores! A kind of psychological infection sets in. Mental and physical illness can result. If, on the other hand, one resolves to move forward with the attitude that What happened, happened -- that was then, this is Now --, the wounds heal and scar over. Yes, the scars are there. A n d they are getting fainter. . .b e c a u s e the person who was injured is concentrating on moving a h e a d. Instead of agonizing, he or she is busy building a meaningful life. Hopefully having
resolved never to be cruel to anyone, ever.
Breaking the Cycle is cause for celebration. Shows there is hope, and that being beaten and threatened, though they cause fear, does not, and cannot, destroy the human spirit.
Congratulations, BroketheCycle. . .and t h a n k y o u.
Message Left in Angels That Care Forum
Hi there ladies. I found your site thru a link and think it is a great thing you are doing. I have lived the abusive life and know where some of these woman are coming from. I am now in a healthy relationship and I feel like my life is just starting to fall into place. I have been with this man for just about 5 years and he is great to me and my children. Yet, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of the past and what my kids and I have endured. My son is always angry and his temper is pretty bad. I have put both my children into counseling to work on their issues but once and a while the past comes back to haunt us. There have been many nights (days too) where my kids have cried because of what was done to them. My son remembers one istant very well. His father was mad at him for some reason (who knows what) and took him into the bathroom and held his head under running water trying to kill him. I found the strength to fight this man to get him away from my son. He beat the sh*t out of me until I passed out, but I wasn't out for long and I locked my son and I into the bathroom and put the dryer in front of the door so he couldn't get in. The next day he didn't remember doing anything to us. Asked me how I got the black eye and the bruises on my neck. GEE I wonder. There are so many things we have over come and many times I didn't think I could leave him. My daughter was beaten and choked (at 2 yrs old) because she let the dog in and he had ticks on him (she didn't know any better). I put up with his abuse for 6 years and I think back to what I made my kids go thru because I was afraid to leave. I regret staying and I am ashamed that I stayed so long. The day he held a loaded 22 semi automatice rifle to my head and said..."I should splatter your brains all over this trailer" and I replied while holding the gun to my head...."Either do it or shut up" ... I knew it was time to go... It took THAT to make me see the light. I left him in May of 1999 when my youngest was 5yrs old. We were divorced in November 1999. I let him keep everything (the house, the vehicle, the appliances...etc)... all I wanted was my kids and to be free. Which I received!!! I didn't think I would make it on my own raising two small children. I did leave once before but ended up going back because he "PROMISED" he would get help. What a crock!!! they always say that just to get what they want. Then ya go back and it's the same old song and dance. I could write a book on everything that my kids and I have gone thru but the memories of it I just want to forget. I hope you all can help those who are in need. I think what you are doing here is wonderful. Those of you women that think it will get better if you stay and try to work things out ... Just remember this... "He promised he wouldn't do it to me anymore then held a loaded gun to my head" Still today I have nightmares and cry sometimes. I get angry at myself but I am working on that. I am not going to counseling for myself, tho I should but I write alot. It helps to take the feelings out of me and put them on paper. I have my kids doing the same thing (yet at teenagers now they tend to drive me nuts). Just to let you know, their fater has since remarried and had another child (just last year) and he doesn't bother with my kids and his other daughter anymore. He is scum and always will be scum, his wife has called me many times wondering how to leave and I tell her, yet she stays. Ohhhh If I didn't think this was long already I could go on forever. He is scum, always will be scum and the only thing he ever gave me was my beautiful children.... I broke the cycle and I tend to keep it that way. I am now stronger than I ever thought I would be and I stick to my guns. Thanks for lettin me babble Sincerely, BrokeTheCycle
Hey Broke...Glad to see you at ATC. I am also very happy that you "broke the cycle" I have seen so many women take abuse like it's their right to do so. They won't pull up thier socks and walk like me and a lot of other women did. BUT I know a lot of women that feed off the sympathy and they feed each other. It's not so hard to leave. It just seems like it. It's scary sure but wondering if you are going to be alive the next day is a lot scarier. I think the women that sit around and whine about it don't really know what abuse is. They need to give themselves a shake and if they are being abused, leave or quit their ****ed whining about it. It's very frustrating for the really abused that have the courage to leave to listen to it and not want the shake them. You go girl..I am very very proud of you.
