I am writing to you in the hope that you can assist me. My children and I were physically, emotionally and verbally abused by my ex-husband ( documented by child therapist) In the divorce agreement, I was led to believe that I was protected from him by him agreeing to a "Permanent Injunction" and agreed to him having his guns back, believing that the Judge would not allow it as if you have an injunction against you, you are not allowed weapons...I believed I was safe. I found out that the "permanent Injunction" he agrred to was not worth the paper it was written on, not legally enforceable, and he got all of his guns back. He was awarded supervised visitation every other week for an hour and a half. He canceled the appointments with the children and therapist stating "unconvinced". He has threatened me, found out my previous address, employment and stated " I will make your life miserable once I receive unsupervised visitation." We fled the state of ____, left good paying jobs, family and friends, in fear of our lives and the life of my unborn child. He had previously beat me so badly that I miscarried. He now is seeking full custody and asking I be the one with supervised visitation, stating I am the one with mental issues...he continues to mentally abuse and attempt to control us...using the court system. I have no where else to turn, and no one is responding to my emails.
The custody battle we are talking breaks my heart. It is going to take extraordinary courage, determination, and willingness to undergo public scrutiny to fight The Powers That Be -- probably for a long time. Even then, 'They' may win. Children in a situation such as that need to be shown in no uncertain terms that they are loved and respected, and nothing is going to change that. Anything and everything that can be done to boost their self-esteem will be well worth it. If they are likely to be subject to abuse [of any kind], teachers and anyone else beyond the immediate family who is likely to have regular contact should be asked to watch for signs and do all they can to intervene. Social Services should be notified! Local police may have a domestic abuse counselor. Any and all agencies, a minister or priest, and any-and-all organizations that m i g h t be interested in helping should be apprised of the situation. Notification should be in writing [as well as by phone or in person]. Stress should be on the children's needs. Extraneous comments about spouses or other parties who are involved should be kept to a minimum. Harsh words may put off someone who would otherwise be willing -- even eager -- to help. This is my opinion. I believe it makes sense. Previous bad a c t s {of the opposing spouse or other potential abuser} should be described briefly and as objectively as possible. Opinions about character should be left to the imagination. This way, the complaining party will come off as dignified, understanding, and generous. This will elicit a lot more sympathy than a rant [however justified] about the offending party or parties.
