Shame on a child who raises their hand,
Shattering hearts all across our land,
A Mother or Father the ultimate pain,
From son or daughter who bear the blame.
What evil lays buried in the mind of a child,
Injecting such venom from anger run wild,
A Mother cowers and a Father will weep,
Unwilling to share the secrets they keep.
Covering bruises and scratches they bear,
Inflicted by violence that reeks in the air,
Their own flesh and blood now rises to strike,
Wounds of the heart that tears will not wipe.
God, please stop my child from hurting me so,
I've done nothing to deserve such wrath nor woe,
I only stand guilty of unconditional love,
Devoted to this child with your help from above.
What torment has invaded the heart of my child,
Who once stood so loving, tender, and mild,
The grief now felt is like poison to the soul,
While the rage of my child continues to grow.
Oh please my sweet child do not make me hide,
From the hands I've cradled and kept warm inside,
The best years of my love I gave freely to you,
Why must I tremble from a nightmare come true.
Never once in my life did I ever give thought,
My whole world would crumble from feeling distraught,
Many laws have been passed to protect you from me,
While the kids striking parents are allowed to be free.
You still live in my house and share the same roof,
While as parents we suffer the unyielding abuse,
You scream in my face many vulgar remarks,
Pushing and hitting from daylight till dark.
Too ashamed to confide in a friend or the law,
I suffer in silence no conclusion to draw,
As a parent my heart is overflowing with pain,
My world upside down from a child gone insane.
How many more days must I try and survive,
Your unyielding bullying and cold staring eyes,
Do I wait for the day that I'll be found dead,
Or shall I quit now and take my own life instead!
Telling survivors to get over it enrages me! Healing is a life-long struggle for many! Here is an article I wrote on this topic:
Society’s Insensitivity to Child Sexual Abuse Survivors
"You need to grow up and deal with it."
"It was in the past. Go on with your life and forget about it."
"Toughen up! It’s over with."
Many adult child sexual abuse survivors feel different than those who have never been sexually abused, and rightly so. We are different. We didn’t have the idyllic childhood that many had. We didn’t have adults who we could turn to when we were hurt or afraid. We didn’t have mothers or fathers who put our safety and happiness above their own.
Ours was a childhood filled with trauma and fear. It was a childhood in which we felt trapped in a prison of neglect and constant tension. We were hyper-alert beings, watching for shadows, listening for footsteps, sniffing the air for a certain fragrance, waiting for the open hand or fist to connect to our bare skin in a flurry of searing pain.
For many survivors, even our sleep was disturbed by sexual violence and abuse. Our bedrooms, instead of being a sanctuary, were traps where we were the prey. We were forced to find ways to survive. Trusting anyone was a dangerous gamble that we learned to avoid. In school, we feared that others would discover our shameful secrets. We were shy and withdrawn, depressed, or suicidal. Some were over achievers, trying to show our parents that we were good, in spite of the fact that we were ashamed and felt dirty, bad and guilty.
I will soon turn 57, and I still have problems directly related to what happened to me as a child. They are not as pronounced as they were when I was in my twenties, but they are still there beneath the armor that has built up over the years. Yes, I said armor. Survivors are a tough breed, but we are a sensitive breed too. Sensitive to unsympathetic comments like the ones above. Sensitive to thoughtless jokes and uncaring attitudes about child sexual abuse. We live with the consequences of what was done to us, every day. Memories can not be erased. Feelings and emotions are deep-seated. We are still vulnerable to triggers. An example of a trigger is a web site which may contain personal stories of rape, that include graphic accounts of the rape.
Healing is an on-going process that for some, takes a life time. So unless you have been where we have been, unless you have known our horrors, unless you have suffered the way we have suffered, please do not tell us to, "deal with it, toughen up, or forget about it."
Another thing that really perturbs me is when I hear news anchors telling stories about men who have been accused of "having sexual relations with their daughters or other young girls."
Comments like this send me into a rage that has been building for over 35 years! We did NOT have sexual relations with our fathers! It was rape! We were children for God’s sake! Innocent children who were taken advantage of. They make it sound like we were involved in an affair! Like it was consensual! A wife has sexual relations with her husband. A child does not!
If you think I am overzealous or too emotional, you’re right. I am sick of the media and people who downplay the effects of child sexual abuse. Call it what it is! RAPE! Not incest, not molestation, not sexual relations. It was RAPE!