H e l p !
They make can-openers that go around by themselves.
They make curtain rods that do not require hardware.
Everywhere we look, there are things on store shelves
To make our lives easier, but buyer beware!
Every one of these whatchamacalls and thingamajigs.
Arrive in plastic tougher than an airline black box...
Takes scissors, hammer, axe, and a mechanical whiz
To start to pry it off. Can't break it with a rock!.
Time you get through, you've busted the thing.
All your fingers are sore, all your nails long gone.
Squinted so hard, your eyes and lids sting.
Voice went that-away from screaming so long.
Want to make our lives easier? May I suggest
That if you invent bells, whistles, and gimcracks,
You do not allow them to be used as tests
to see what wrapping will drive us ape-ER,ah-bats!!
Real Glory
Shimmering, shining, fixedly twining,
sun-silvered and ever so slightly befuddled,
the morning glory opens our gifts
one at a time. All the time
stammering beneath breath
scented so it is easy to miss,
None is yours to keep,
but to feel your eyes touch
as they would a butterfly,
each petal a stunning blue violet wing
that a clenched fist powders
like that. Lean close and you will hear,
Give us a lullaby, Luv.
One for each and every bloom
before that shadow creeps
to claim. Only one that you create
will do. Remember, Luv,
neither morning nor glory lasts.
Only the music we make. If
we are lucky, the memory
of a moth soft touch..
(c) Phyllis Jean Green, 2007
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Mountains of things, rivers of things, things
full of things. How many things can there be?
Prob'ly make sunscreen for owls. Mood rings!
But a few things, we pretty much need.
Toothpaste, let's say, and razor blades.
Aspirin, ibuprofen, gauze, antiseptic.
Pencils, erasers, scissors, glue, tape.
Listing them all could make you dyspeptic.
Cost high enough, but problem Numero Uno
is that they are wrapped so you can't get at them.
Start at 6 at night, still struggling at noon. Oh,
to be able to find 'em and dope-slap 'em!!
I now have scissors in every room Heck,
there's two in the office, three or four in the kitchen.
Bought a pair to hang around my neck,
then shattered them with pliers and bitching.
Bought a lighter to light candles with.
Bought a few candles to see if it worked..
Mashed a thumb opening the lighter. Got so pissed,
I broke a knife opening the candles. Erg~!!.
Never try to open a child-proof bottle
You are taking your life in your hands.
Guess who I would like to throttle?
But my hands are too bunged up. Damn.
Never hurts to laugh, they say.
Just don't buy jokes on a CD.
Time you get it open, you'll be gray,
and you'll seriously need to pee.
Let's start a rebellion, shall we?
I suggest we shrink-wrap their factories.
Wrap them with plastic and steel.
Otherwise, we'll go crackers, ask me!
B e y o n d H e l p --??
From Witch-G O O d-on-a-G O O d-Day
Bad witches are always going to plague us.
{Witches, mavens, whoOOO- or witch-ever.}.
Devil knows exactly how to make us
quake with fiends oooOOOh-soOOO clever
We, on the other hand, strive to do gOOd.
Oh, yes, indeed, gOOd witches exist.
And we have always, always stOOd
for learning to stop a hex with a kiss.
Let evil stalk! Halloween's Ours, heh-heh-heh.
A time to tease the life out of the s.O.b.'s.
Glue witches to their brOOms, heh-heh-heh.
Trip ghOsts with the tails of their eye-hOled sheets.
Let's put bats in their belfries and tOad 'eir stews.
Let's scare 'em with spaghetti-faked entrails.
Let's chase 'em into spider webs with BOOOOOOs,
Then stuff 'em with pumpkin spiked with nails.
That last is tOO cruel, let's not do that
Could make 'em want to come back.
Hmmmm. Maybe we could knock 'em flat
And use them as decorations? How 'bout 'at?
When we see a black cat, let's laugh and meOW
So the cat will take our side, or at least not scratch.
Then let's see if we can make a friend of OWl.
{So it will act as lookout and hooOOOt for us, natch.}
Treating is much mOre fun than tricking.
So just trick a little, and make it light.
Matter of gOOd sense, not of being chicken.
Having-a-Blast-Without-Hurting-a-SOul Night!.
You bad witches will think twice or three times,
When you see how much fun we have
Making Happy HallOween chime
Up and down street after street after ave!!
(c) peejaygeen
(c) Phyllis Jean Green, 2007 ....
'The reason the Flubduds all sigh in despair -
They stand on their own feet and can't go anywhere.
Since they're much too befuddled to figure things out,
They're stuck in one spot and can't move about.
It always will be quite a while between feasts,
For these awkward, dim-witted, grass-eating beasts.
And they won't get one nibble, not one bite to eat,
Till the prairie grass grows almost up to their feet.'
Please sign the petition I am sending around
to stop November from sabotaging. . .stuff.
Cars choke, plumbing backs up, blenders grind down.
Don’t know about you, but I have had enough.
If you live where December is just another month,
November is probably kind. Here, it’s eggnog, holly,
and goodies on Hanukkah. Fa-la-la-la – ker-plunk!
To curb spending’s one thing, but let us be jolly.
Food costs, and heat. Gasoline has gone out of sight.
Bill for this, bill for that. Give us a break!
Both our pc’s went pfffffft. Battery in the van. . .sigh.
Dinner, got your fish sticks or your Shake’n’Bake.
You wouldn’t believe the list I’ve got.
Toilet leaks! Mr. Coffee and a light fixture died!
While in mourning, I am not,
To have one thing go right would be nice.
Family and friends will come smiling our way.
Pay for all this, er-ah, junk, somehow.
But an 11-month year would be great.
On my way to have me a lie-down now.
10 Months if we Deep-Six February
